Saturday, June 7, 2014

Thirty, (Not So) Flirty, and Thriving

In a few weeks, I will be thirty.  Dun dun duuunnnn.  The big 3-0.

Whenever I think of 30, I think of the movie 13 Going on 30, where young Jennifer Gardner wishes to be "thirty, flirty, and thriving" like the women in her magazines.  I don't know about you, but when I was 13 years old, I hardly thought of some day being 30.  When I was 13 years old, the thing that most preoccupied me was the fact that in the year 2000 (Y2K y'all!) I was going to be 16 years old: old enough to drive and old enough to see, experience, and remember the momentous turn of the century (it wasn't really that eventful).

For whatever reason, as a kid I wasn't really one to look too far into the future and anticipate what it held.  That's actually been decently true in my adulthood as well.  In college, I didn't start applying to jobs until a few weeks before graduation.  After a breakup post-college, I abandoned all plans for when I'd get married, have babies, etc. and figured it would all work out in God's timing (and it has).  And even though I've got goals in mind for my career, I haven't quite made plans for "in 2 years I will be this level, and in 5 I will be this level, and here are the things I will do to accomplish those goals."  Which tells me that for someone who has prides herself on looking ahead and being a planner, I'm actually probably not as good at it as I think I am.

But I digress.  [Every time I do digress, I hear the Agape council yelling "DIGRESSION" at me.  But that is another digression for another time...]

What I was saying is this: this year I will be thirty, flirty (if only with T), and thriving.  I thought I would dread 30 more when it came around, but I'm honestly kind of looking forward to it.  A few years ago when I got married I ask my mom if it she felt weird knowing that she was old enough to have a daughter getting married.  She responded with an incredulous look and said something along the lines of "No, there is a part of me that still worries that you're not going to get into the right preschool or make friends or graduate from high school/college."  She clearly did not feel her age and in this moment, I don't feel mine.

Don't get me wrong - I see clear distinctions between me and the early 20-something I hang out with and I know that I am no longer as young as I once was (most obvious sign: I keep a regular sleep schedule).  But I always though I'd feel more adult when I you know, became an adult.  I thought by the time I was 30 I'd have it (it being all of life) figured out, the way all the adults I've ever known have seemed to.  Maybe this is their secret - that they've never felt the "old"ness that others have presumed upon them and they're just trying to do their best to make the most of what they've got and where they are, the way I am now.  Interesting...

That's all to say that I'm looking forward to this whole 30-thing.  Looking forward to being another year older, enjoying another full year of life lives in big moments and small ones, and making the most of the time that's being given to me.

Here's to being thirty and thriving!

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